Divorced dad with joint custody of 7 yr old son needs advice/help.My son seems very ';needy'; to be with me

Here are some examples.1.When its time to bring him home to his moms house he never wants to go and beggs to stay longer.Now i have him 50% of the time and there are no ';problems'; at his moms house(shes a great mom and plays with him as much as i do) 2.If i go see him at 1 of his sports games(on his moms day to have him) hes very clingy to me and does not want me to go(hes not like this with his mom) We have been divorced since he was a baby so this situation is not new to him.Now his mom and i NEVER fight/argue infront of him but there is ';tension'; between us(long story)When i talk to her(ex) i keep it short and simple never laughing/joking with her or chatting about other things than our son.But what divorce people do joke and chat with their ex.But could our son now that hes getting older pick-up on this?Or could it just be he wants to be with dad now that hes older? I would like to hear from other divorced parents on what they think it could be.Divorced dad with joint custody of 7 yr old son needs advice/help.My son seems very ';needy'; to be with me
Children respect and appreciate it when adults are straightforward, honest, and simple. Just talk to him about what is bothering him. Let him know that you understand that things my be difficult for him. Young boys need their fathers for many things. Children see everything. They know everything. If you and his mother have tension between you, he can see that. Just try to put that behind you. Try to make it work the best you can for his sake.Divorced dad with joint custody of 7 yr old son needs advice/help.My son seems very ';needy'; to be with me
first off i commend you for being a good dad and staying in this childs life. children from divorced homes sometimes don't get the secuity they would get from a married home situation. children need security of knowing the parents are there for them FOREVER.


there are a couple of things i can think of:


1- forgive anything from the past with your wife----let everything go----then the tension will go and the child will not pick up on this feeling----kids are very good at picking up feelings---they just cannot express what they feel so they feel unsecure.


2- have a good talk with the child at 7 he can understand----find out if anything is bothering him---he may not understand why other kids get to live in one house and he has two---i would tell him he is double special to you both let him know you and your exwife love him and that you are all a family no matter what NOTHING WILL CHANGE---you will always be there for him and so will your exwife.


3-you may want to have talks with the ex with emails or phones----whatever works-----just try not to discuss anything about your son in front of him-------as a child he does not need to hear any details----imagine if you were a child and 2 adults were deciding without even asking you what you want----no he can't always get what he wants but if you both as his parents decide then present it to him---something like your mom and i have decided.


4- set guidelines as to behavior for visits-----when you visit his sports activity he will have to........now once the behavior is set you can always say-----remember we talked about this and we decided you would not cry and act clingy. maybe set up a reward system for when he does the right behavior---sometimes the rewards cold be gold stars that may add up for a toy---whatever may be his hot button now----and kids change often.


5- most of all remember children need someone to model --- thats how they learn so for sure he would want to be with the like parent---after all you both stand to pee ;-)


hope this helps
Honestly i would talk to the child about his feelings, it may be he is just missing you but something seems to be bothering him deeply...does mum have a new boyfriend for example??? If there is i would worry greatly about this sort of behavior, but best advice is talk to him, be very child friendly and he will open up...





good luck you sound like a great dad
7 is the age when a boy really wants to be just like his dad. It only means that you're doing a good job when he doesn't want to leave you.


YES, he picks up on any tension between you. Kids are like sponges when it comes to emotional undercurrents. Try putting a smile in your voice when you talk to your ex. It can't hurt. Forget the turmoil between you when your son's around.





Moms are reality. Dad is Walt Disney. That's just the way it is. Let him know how much you love him and that you enjoy being with him, too. Make him the primary focus of the time you have together, especially now when he's feeling a little uncertain. At the end of the day, you'd rather have him want to be with you than cry when you pick him up, after all.