Divorced dad with joint custody of 7 yr old son needs advice/help.My son seems very ';needy'; to be with me

Here are some examples.1.When its time to bring him home to his moms house he never wants to go and beggs to stay longer.Now i have him 50% of the time and there are no ';problems'; at his moms house(shes a great mom and plays with him as much as i do) 2.If i go see him at 1 of his sports games(on his moms day to have him) hes very clingy to me and does not want me to go(hes not like this with his mom) We have been divorced since he was a baby so this situation is not new to him.Now his mom and i NEVER fight/argue infront of him but there is ';tension'; between us(long story)When i talk to her(ex) i keep it short and simple never laughing/joking with her or chatting about other things than our son.But what divorce people do joke and chat with their ex.But could our son now that hes getting older pick-up on this?Or could it just be he wants to be with dad now that hes older? I would like to hear from other divorced parents on what they think it could be.Divorced dad with joint custody of 7 yr old son needs advice/help.My son seems very ';needy'; to be with me
All children go through this.... its very hard for them to leave you , then leave their mom... It goes back and forth... he is 7 and thats a very hard age... My granddaughter went through it when I left her grandpa..... she was with us everyday.... then I moved out and she felt abandoned, even though she still had her grandpa.... kids have a feeling that you will never come back....... even though you do........... you have to keep reassuring him that you will be back...and your ex needs to do the same......... that you will be there to pick him.up .. you wont forget him........Divorced dad with joint custody of 7 yr old son needs advice/help.My son seems very ';needy'; to be with me
This may be way off course, but is step-dad sort being a pressure to your son. Just talk to your son he is 7 yrs old. Just ask him why he don't want to go to his moms.
Kids are tough, and will go through different cycles as they age. 7-yrs can be tough, he's starting to separate a bit from his mom as he goes to school, but may not quite feel ready for it. That may make him a bit clingy in general. (My 7-yr old has this problem)





It sounds like your son loves you, and perhaps has noticed that some kids have dad around all the time. I'm sure he'd love to have that as well, no matter how much he loves his mom. What he's doing is very natural for divorced sons. What you can do to help is mainly to be a ';normal'; dad - don't be ';disney dad';, that is, don't do special things everytime you see him. Make sure you spend time doing homework, going grocery shopping with him. Keep normal bedtimes. Make sure being with dad isn't a vacation every time.





And work on your relationship with your ex. You don't have to love her, but you have to deal with this woman for a long time to come. Treat her more like a second cousin - be polite, laugh at some jokes, share the occasional dinner (like pizza after he wins a game). Your son can definitely pick up on the tension there, and it will eventually lead to some questions you don't want to answer.





Most of all...good for you, for being there! Too many dads bow out after divorce, and that hurts their kids so much.
read biddolph's 'manhood' - it's a good start for what it means to be a dad in a way that kinda seems to have got lost in the feminist revolution! i speak as a therapist with kids between me and an ex..and no - i don't have glasses...or hush-puupies...or an axe to grind against my ex or women in general!!! (still - maybe i should take all that defensiveness to my supervisor, huh?)





seriously - boys WANT dads - you are important...alot of what i see in my pratice with ex-addicts comes down to not having a real dad...and you can do something about that. i'm guessing you actually care cos you are posting here...which is rare.





email me if you like - this is something that interests me greatly
of course children can feel any slight tension no matter how slight


he also probably knows of many kids of divorce who do not get to see thier dads


keep him secure and keep your promises to him


he needs security and reassurance


it is your job to provide it
Sounds to me as though your son is acutely aware of what is happening with his parents and is constantly worried that one or both of you are going to go away and never come back. Maybe his friends at school talk about mum and dad ';being together'; and he doesn't understand what is going on with his family. He is at that inquisitive stage where he is noticing everything going on around him and he wants to know why things happen. Sitting him down and explaining a few things to him may help. Be completely honest with him and make him feel that he can ask you absolutely anything but, most importantly, make sure he knows that although mum and dad don't love each other, you both love him more than anything or anyone else in the whole wide world and that you will both ALWAYS be there for him though not together. It';s amazing how resilient kids can be providing they know the facts and feel secure about them. Good Luck xxx
It looks like you're doing a good job with your son. Maybe there's something that's different over there... even maybe small things like being closer to his favorite park or something along those lines. Maybe just ask outright what it is if you think it is appropriate





But apart from that just enjoy the time you're with him and explain that you'd like to spend more time with him, but you both need to respect that he needs to see his Mom too
I just got divorced and was recently awarded joint custody as well. I am certainly no Psychologist, but as a father, I would suggest you talk to him. At 7 years old, I'm sure if afforded the time and attention, he would be more than capable of articulating his concerns and feelings to you.
I have a 14 yr old and i'm going through a divorice. My son would call his father before he calls me. They carry on as normal as possible, but I know he wants us together. Your son have grown with the idea of a family been both parents in the home. You should seek some sort of help for him before he starts failing in school and begin to stayto himself and dont for friends or anyone.
I am not a divorced but I think the kid wants to see his family intact. He clings to you more because he think he is going to loose you. He feels more secure with his mother's love so he is not that clingy to her.





In short, he is afraid of loosing you. You need to talk to him about this. Hope that helps.
It sounds like he has come to a time in his life where he needs his dad more. Not that he doesn't need his mom any less. Is there any way at all to spend more time with him until he is through this stage? Perhaps you can spend more time with him AND his mom (eating out, at the park, movies, etc.) if she is reluctant or unable to give you more time alone with him.





Do you have any father-son activities on a regular schedule? Weekly baseball toss, monthly father-son team sports day, something sort of set-in-stone that he can rely on and anticipate? That may do wonders.





Best of luck to you all.
It could be that he really wants to be with you. Moms are good for the little boo boos in life but Dads are the heroes to their sons. When my parents divorced my brother wanted to be with my dad constantly.
well,sounds like you are doing a good job.my 9 year old son,loves my husband,so much,that really,it scares me.i mean his daddy is everything to him,he hates it when he goes to work,or if he is talking to someone else.its so scary.he is needy,of a mans presence...hes a little boy,he cannot learn everything he needs to from mom,he does know shes different,and he wants to be like his daddy.i think you should have a talk with your ex,about how she feels about it,she might be hurt that he seems to care more about you than her.I've always thought that little children need to be with their mothers.girls should also be with their mothers.but i do believe once he gets a little older that it wouldn't be a bad thing to let him stay with you instead of her.you can teach him the things that she can not.mom will probably not like this idea at all,i mean its her baby,but she may start to understand when hes around 12 or so.ya';ll need to talk about it...very carefully...and you need to explain to your son that moma loves him so much too,and he needs to spend time with her sometimes too,that he shouldn't get upset when its momas turn.tell him he has to share his time with you and mom,because yall both love him more than anything in the world..good luck %26amp; good job dad
What was the custody like before you got 50% of the time? Did you have a lower percentage of custody? That could be one example of why he's being ';overly'; clingy. Realize that at this developmental stage in his life he needs rolemodels and more specifically a good male role model. Take the clingy-ness as a compliment and do your best to keep the tension between you and his mom to a minimum. After all you are both after the same goal now, to teach and mentor your son to reach his fullest potential. The sooner you two start treating each other as ally's the easier it will be. Don't get me wrong you guys had problems together but now you have to work together for your son, that's it period. Good Luck!
Your son probably wants to spend more time with you. He could be picking upon the no-jokes thing. You've been divorced since he was a baby, so he is probably upset his daddy isn't around 100% like some other kids. After all, he is a boy. He is more opt to be a daddy's boy than a mommy's boy. If you're not already doing this, maybe you should call him every day and talk with him on the phone for at least 10-15 minutes.
Does Mom have him for school, Dr appts., homework, bedtimes, eat your veggies, brush your teeth..you know the everyday blah blah. And maybe you have him on weekends and things are a bit on the relaxed,fun side of lifes issues. Itsjust a guess because even tho your question was stated very well more details would be easier for me to comment on. About the tension between you and his Mom is most definitly noticeable but like you said hes used to it andunderstands or will understand that he has to separate families so your relationship with his mom will have no bearing on weather he likes her..oh and I dont think he dislikes her of course. Its mood connected with her and being ';home'; with her. The everyday stuff. Good Luck.
How about hearing from a child of divorce? I was the quinticiential ';Tomboy';. I liked cars, climbing trees, playing soccer, hiking, fishing. These are things my Dad did, but Mom was far ';too good'; for that. Naturally I got on better with him, even though I was a girl.


At seven, your son is looking for someone toemulate. It's the role he will play when it's his turn. Maybe he just needs reassurance, or even more time with you. If Mom and Dad agree, maybe he should be with you for longer times.


As far as him picking up on the tension between you and your wife, HECK YEAH!!!!. He gets it, way more than you ever want to know. You say she's a great Mom, so the two of you need to ';git over it'; for your son. Your time is done but his is right now. Make the effort ot get along,..... not the chilly exchange of kid. Talk about something neat that he did,...... right in front of him, (yes with HER) and smile like you mean it! He's going to see that he is still the center of his family. It will give him security and safety.


A little footnote, the kid always hopes the parents will ';grow up'; and get back together. They want the ';whole'; family. Ask him what's on his mind, ...he has one. Kids think a lot more than adults sometimes but can't translate well. Be prepared if he decides to blast you both for not sticking it out for him. It's not just ';your divorce,'; your son had NO CHOICE, NO SAY, it's his divorce and he doesn't want this for his family.


Also friends are probably saying things as well. IE.....why don't your Dad and Mom together. Don't they love you? I can't tell you how that hurt me! Hope this helps you out!!!
He is feeling insecure. He needs to know that you will always be there and that you are not deserting him. Children need attention and reassurance. Talk to him and find out what he is feeling and what he is thinking.
I don't know, but divorced people don't always have to hate each other. My mom is on very friendly terms with her ex-husband. (Not my dad) They're good friends, he just wasn't someone she wanted to spend her life with.





It might be easier for your son if you tried being his mother's friend, or at least when he was around. Also, you're a guy, he's a guy-kids aren't supid. They see something in commnon.





Does his mother have a new boyfriend/husband? Do you have a new girlfriend/wife? That might provide some answers.
There is a site you should go on for advice steptalk.org everyone there is divorced and remarried etc have bio kids step kids they do give really good advice, as they are all dealing with similar issues.


I hope it helps
If this has started happening suddenly, then something has changed in the mom's home. You need to talk to the boy and get him to tell you why he suddenly doesn't want to be at mom's. She may not be the perfect parent you think, or someone else is in the picture at her house. Maybe a counselor can get him to talk if you can't.
well every little boy needs and wants a daddy to grow up with..because most of the time they want to be just like you when they get older..they might tell you that they want to be as tall as you..ect...and there are just some things that a mom can't do ya know..dads are sometimes ';more fun';...and let there kids do more things..my parents are divorced..and i remember when i was a child when i was with my dad we stayed up late and watched movies..ate pizza..(did basically what we wanted) my mom was good to us..but alot more responsible with us..and to little children that isn't much fun..its just that dads sometimes are naturally more ';fun'; and aren't as strict on rules..that could be why your son is like that.
I can speak from experience, the better you and your ex get along, the better off your son will be. (My ex and I don't speak) and my daughter, now 21, still has hard feelings about the whole thing...we divorced when she was 5. I would suggest you talk to your ex about his behavior. Have you compared notes? Have you specifically asked her if he's like that with her? I know you said 50%, but does he spend more time with her? Maybe someone (possibly one of his friends) has said something along the lines that you might fade out of the picture, even though I'm sure you wouldn't. He needs reassurance and love. Also, have you tried talking to him about it? Who knows what's been said to him. And no matter how you feel about her, don't share your feelings about your ex with him. Good luck.
Maybe find out whether something is going on in his mom's house when you are not there. My parents divorced when I was young and I hated having to go with my dad because he was mean and would question me about what my mom was doing all the time. Maybe something is going on, maybe she is bad mouthing you, or maybe he just prefers you more. Ask him what he does with his mom and don't make it sound accusing. See if maybe they don't do anything fun, hopefully it isn't anything serious. Some boys just like their fathers more. :)


Good luck.
I am not a divorced parent but my brother is. He has a 7yr old boy to. His son finds it so hard, he loves both of them the same and i think from what he has said to me that sometimes he feels he has to choose between them as the custody is half and half. Because divorce is so unnatural to human life, of course he is going to be feeling awful! He wants his mum and dad under one roof loving each other and him like everyone else! So maybe the fact that you and his mum are slightly short with one another does affect him. Sons do need there dad, and they need stability. You know what I would do? I would talk to him about it instead of guessing. He is the only one that can help you really. Maybe you and your ex could sit down and talk to him, seperatly and then together?








Hope this helps a lil





take care :)
Well, do you discipline him at all? If mom's disciplining him (he's a 7 y/o he's probably giving her a bit of a hard time with exercising his ';rights'; and personality as he gets older) then he may want to stay with you b/c you're the ';fun'; parent. Or maybe b/c he's been with mom most of the time since he was born he now wants to try ';dad'; out.





LOL.....you know how men/boys are...the grass is ALWAYS greener in another pasture. Until they get to the pasture and realise there's a lot of weeds and want to come home. *wink*
send social services to his moms house when he is there





maybe theres something going on u dont know about